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Couldn’t Jane be satisfied with just that? But, at the moment, her aversion to Charlie’s regrettable disfigurement made even that rather unlikely. Charlie returned with a Grande Filter Coffee (Fairtrade, of course) for himself and a glass and a plastic bottle of White Cranberry juice for Jane. He sat down opposite Jane and gingerly sipped from his still-too-hot cup of coffee while regarding her with evident apprehension. How should their conversation proceed? After all their long Facebook chats would it make sense just to make the kind of embarrassing small talk that had blighted the few dates Jane had arranged online? But, thankfully, Charlie circumvented a bland conversation about the weather or the traffic or the quality of Starbucks’ coffee by launching into a subject of much more interest to Jane. “Did you see that idiot on The Apprentice last night? What do you think he was on?” “Which one?” asked Jane, who tried hard to address the unblemished half of Charlie’s face and ignore. ”“Er, quite so, my man.”“Here we are Sir. Allow me to show you them. These are standard school rattans. They are different thicknesses. Junior, medium, senior. With or without these beautifully crafted crook handles. Handles are tuppence extra.”“Worth every penny, I’d say,” said the husband picking up one and slicing it through the air. “What an exciting sound!”“Yes Sir. Satisfaction guaranteed. For a young lady wife I recommend the junior or medium size. And if by chance Sir required correction himself, then a senior would be more appropriate.”“Oh no, that won’t be necessary.” The husband reflected a little and said, “Well, I don’t think so, but don’t ask the Mrs!”“And just over here Sir, we have some local Dorset specials. These ones are crafted from local willow and give quite a different sensation. Of course, they do command a premium for the artisan work involved.”The husband duly selected four canes. Three crook-handled rattans, one in each thickness and one.
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